I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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