So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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