i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
everyone is single if you try hard enough
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
