Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
