why didn't you poke me back
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize