How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
