She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
