he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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