I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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