you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
