party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
