Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
