she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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