Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
