wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
