I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
