You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
