I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
There's always time for handjobs
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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