Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
