3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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