dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
