Having a random hookup so left but love u
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
