Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize