i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
