Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
