Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Houston, we have a blender
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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