I just pynch a tree in the face
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
