I think I just saw someone hide a body.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
