3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I would ride that face into the sunset
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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