It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Sext me about skeletons
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