I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My liver just had a heart attack.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
