Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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