you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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