ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
