Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
