I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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