and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
