new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
