I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
