shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
