I want to have your abortion
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
