I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
