Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
