Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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