Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
