Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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