Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
