dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
