Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
