I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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