Small penises have feelings too.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
