she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
