I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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