I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize