I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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