Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
