i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
