I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
