I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
