you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
even my farts smell like vagina
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
