Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I see more hoeing in ur future
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
