my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i just sent this text using only my big toe
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize