i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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