She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
