You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
only if we run a train.
done.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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