His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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