so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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