And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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