dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
